Sorry that I didn't answer the phone when you rang yesterday - I thought it would be the morons from the teaching agency and I didn't feel like talking to them, since nothing has changed since I spoke to them last. To be honest, I didn't feel like talking to anyone, so I may not have answered the phone even if I knew it was you. I still don't feel much like talking - I guess that's why I'm writing this here instead of engaging in a private exchange. Basically, I'm pretty much hating every moment of living in this country at the moment - the people are jerks and treat each other like rubbish, they hardly ever mean what they say, its too damn expensive, the rapid change in sun rise/set times is playing havoc on my body clock, everything takes 10 times (or more) longer than it should because they are still in love with paper trails, it feels like I'm never going to get work again, I've spent so many hours in front of the tv that everything is a repeat and I have NO-ONE other than Graeme to talk to. To top it off, the weather has been crap when its supposed to finally be getting warm, so I've been pretty much confined to the indoors for the last week and a bit. All these things are combining to crush any sense of hope that I can muster. We can't afford to do any real travelling because I'm not making any money, but every attempt I make to that end turns to mud. We really should be living somewhere cheaper and better suited to our needs, but the real estate agents here are totally dodgy and we got pushed into signing a longer lease than we had anticipated, so the earliest we can get out of here is September.
The rational, logical side of me knows that there are things I can do to make life here a bit better - make an effort to meet more people, do what people have been suggesting and try to make some money on my own by selling photos/things I make. But the emotional side keeps reminding me how much I've already been hurt since moving here and scares me into doing not much of anything. What am I supposed to do when all I really want right now is to move home and start a family, but I know I'm stuck here for another 2 years?
Friday 18 May 2007
Hi Dad
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Hi gorgeous girl
ReplyDeleteI miss you - and it makes me sad to read that life is pretty sucky for you at the moment. I can't help but give advice - sorry - but I reckon you need to find a social network. Choices that might be worth trying are (OK, you expected this one) church, a local interest group (photography, craft .....), or even just deliberately going and talking to your neighbours.
As it turns out, I'd put in calls to both my girls - cause I was on the way home, and was thinking of both of you. Then I got a flat tyre, on the freeway .... damn. Pitch black, so couldn't work out how to get the wheel nuts off (the plastic covers .... duh). Had to drive the car to somewhere where there was light - of course, this ruined the tyre - but hey.
Strangely, I've finally added to my blog (only one thing, and short, and not particularly profound), but I think I'm starting to process some stuff that might just make a difference. I'd be very pleased to get your reactions.
Love you.
Dad
Sorry to hear life Sucks for you at the moment Kate. Can't think of anything to say except that we love you and think of you often. To give you a smile - Scully was telling me about how they made 'Primival' in England. Then he asked was that where you went to live. After confirming that he was telling me how it would have been cool if you saw one of the fake dinosaurs etc and got a fright because you thought it was real! Hang in there, you need to ride out the emotional till you feel ready to tackle what you already know you need to do. It will pass.
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